summer blockbusters

2nd post!  Today, for reasons I can't necessarily explain or don't want to investigate for fear of shattering my fragile psyche, I bring to your soft, dark eyes a pair of terrible letters addressed to children/fetuses.

AND--don't miss Ebert's review of Transformers 2.  It's charming.

TO: ALL BASTARDS
FROM: ALEJANDRO 

Dear Bastards, 
What's it like? Not knowing your parents? I really want to know, only without having to go through it in any way whatsoever. 

Yours,
Alejandro P

TO: THE ABORTED FETUSES OF 2009
FROM: HOLLYWOOD 

You missed a killer summer blockbuster season!  If the abortion doctors hadn’t Kanye West’d you, you could have cried miserably through the month of May, with films like Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian and Year One, as everyone else did, and had a hell of an enjoyable time being alive.  Also, had you ever taken a breath beyond the placental sack, you would’ve certainly found it all worthwhile after sleeping and spitting up on yourselves come June via modern classics such as Land of the Lost, The Taking of Pelham 123, and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.  Then comes August, and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.  Shit!

--it's Hollywood talking, fetuses

p.s. The use of colons often denotes a sequel, and ALWAYS summarizes the plot in but a phrase.  Useful info for you if you had been born and developed an interest in film while growing up.