Let’s see if this terrible idea floats.
OK, so everybody knows that in the 21st century, humans grow more averse to words every day. But unfortunately, the internet is FULL of them. I basically just want to add to the pile. To the great dismay of the masses, this website will be about posting letters (composed of words) which people have written.
OK, so everybody knows that in the 21st century, humans grow more averse to words every day. But unfortunately, the internet is FULL of them. I basically just want to add to the pile. To the great dismay of the masses, this website will be about posting letters (composed of words) which people have written.
This is/hopefully will be a blog of reader-submitted content. We’re looking for terrible letters of all sorts. What do we mean when we say terrible? Find a dictionary. Or, better yet, interpret it your own way. Terrible is whatever. What do we mean when we say letters? Well, we intend for it to be interpreted in the greater literary sense, in the tradition of belle-lettres, if you will; of or pertaining to literature or literary culture; also, writings tinged with the regality and cultural acumen of an episode of South Park or a cleverly executed piece of public restroom graffiti.
What do we mean when we say we? It’s just me and Alejandro over here. We need some chicks, man.
Is this blog a shameless rip off of McSweeney’s Open Letters? Yeah, pretty much. Kinda. We prefer the term variant. But we aim to be just a tiny little corner of the internet which is a continuation in the tradition of great satirists, like Jonathan Swift and Mark Twain, true Impresarios of the Terrible Letter. These were cynical, ruthless men who wrote about the general wretchedness of humanity—but in a way that makes you laugh your ass off. And how can there EVER be enough of that going on?
Honestly, if it’s funny, We’ll publish it.
I will start publishing some terrible letters I’ve diddled in my free time. Then I will ask some of my more ruthless friends to pen their own terrible letters if they so wish (an irresistible temptation), and whatever comes up will get tossed to the masses. If you would like to publish a terrible letter, send it in an email here: terribleletters@gmail.com
Terrible letters can be real or fake, addressed to or from anyone. Letters, emails, postcards, notes, whatever.
Have you secretly wished to write a terrible letter? You’ve been waiting for an excuse, haven’t you? I’ll be honest: it feels nice. Send your letter here so all of us can enjoy. We do not require real names; in fact, we prefer pseudonyms.
Have you ever been dumped via email? I'd love to see the proof. Have you dumped someone who then wrote to tell you what a shit you are, lobbing a barrage of terrible insults to your inbox? I imagine that would be one terrible letter! That counts! Has an enemy actually taken the time to pen some form of correspondence with you? Mine are not that thoughtful...but I might enjoy writing a letter to a couple of them. In fact...keep an eye out for something similar arriving soon on this very blog. The format for these are exceptionally open-ended.
This project is a work in progress. It was only an idea a couple days ago. Look how far we've come, Alejandro! I’ve never had a blog before, and I only vaguely know what I’m doing at any given time.
And finally, here is our inaugural Terrible Letter. It might not be particularly terrible, but it’s the first one I wrote when I thought of the blog.
TO: OUR BELOVED FAMILY DOG, TILLY, WHO MADE ME BAWL LIKE A CHILD AS I WATCHED THE VET PUT HER TO SLEEP AFTER TWELVE LONG YEARS OF BEAUTIFUL, LOYAL, FULFILLING LIFE
FROM: ALEJANDRO PETTICOAT
Dear Sweet Tilly,
I will always say of you that you can never be replaced, but actually, in my heart, you totally can. You really, totally can. I can go to the pound and find a dog that looks as cute as you and sits like you and loves being rubbed on her belly, and you will have been completely replaced. And on the inside I'll be like, There. Sadness about dead dog: all gone.
I will only think of you when I notice you in old pictures, and any sentimentality that creeps beyond my solar plexus will be quickly shut down by the realization that I didn’t actually know you—you were just a dog, and I can go pet the dog that’s alive and forget you once again until your memory is revived by accident years later and summarily lost in the following moment. RIP.
I will only think of you when I notice you in old pictures, and any sentimentality that creeps beyond my solar plexus will be quickly shut down by the realization that I didn’t actually know you—you were just a dog, and I can go pet the dog that’s alive and forget you once again until your memory is revived by accident years later and summarily lost in the following moment. RIP.
All my love,
Alejandro
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